Ever since then, it's been torture for me to wait through 4 years of minutia until Argentina gets another shot at the title ...kinda like US politics, for the average voter. But this year has been different!
This year it's been the soccer equivalent of "Nixon Resigns" or "The Clinton Impeachment" for yer typical US soccer fan! Too bad today's news didn't happen in 2016 ...that way, I'd only have 2 more years of snoozing until the
Oooooh weeeeee! Ya HOO. The United States indicted fourteen FIFA officials, "yanked" them out of their beds in Switzerland (ok, fine, it was the Swiss police,) covered them in bed sheets, and frog marched them into hot hatchbacks in the heart of Yerp! That's good enough, right there, to wake me up ...but wait! There's more!
Just DAYS later, the freakin' presidential election of the Fédération Internationale de Football Association was held! Oh! This is good stuff!
So, right away, all my fellow yanqui World Cup lovers wake-up and start flooding the internets with the kinda crazy shit you just can't get more than every 4 years! Well, ok, there were some Brits in there who actually understand futbol ...but mostly it was US.
The trashtalk, that's what I always miss. This was an unexpected "mid-season" opportunity for a bunch of dumbasses like me to hold forth like we understood the game ...and actually gave a shit! Manna from heaven. USA #1! USA #1! USA #1! ...and I got my usual extra bragging rights for being a Unitedstatesian from a real soccer country! Too good to be true.
Even bleeding-heart liberals like myself (and all of my facebook friends) started cheering for the USA Patriot Act provisions that made the bust possible. "They're dirty, dude! We're takin' 'em DOWN." In the first few hours after the raid, the English language chatter was unanimous: that guy, Seth, was a gonner ...no way he's gettin' re-elected!"
Then, inside of one week, all the talking heads started to hedge their bets, "well, of course, the current FIFA president is the strong front-runner in the race." Then it was all like, "only a miracle will unseat the current FIFA President Whassis Name."
Then it was like, "OMG ...Whassis Name survived the first round of votes! Did he win? Did he lose? Whaddya mean they're gonna vote again?" Oh, you can't BUY this shit, man.
Then, it was all over. It was like Argentina losing to Germany last year in the final match. It was suddenly all over.
Now, all of my fellow yanqs are just starting to ask how it could have happened. "Who gets busted by our feds and survives?" "Why didn't they just throw that Bladder guy in jail?" That's all cool, I dig that. I understand what it's like for your team to get to the finals ...then ...just ...lose.
You got beat, that's how. In a fair game, nobody gets to win by right of birth. In a fair game, the best team wins. Having the best star-players helps a lot but, in a fair game, the other side doesn't just lay down and die. Especially when you are out-numbered.
Most of Europe voted against the current president, the US and all of South America did too. That didn't matter. The swarthy and the slant-eyed have the same votes in FIFA as everyone else (wow ...what a concept.) They voted their interests ...that's a good lesson no matter who you are or what you believe.
What SHOULD concern all of the concern-trolls is how it seems that if even ONE electron of ANY financial transaction should happen to cross through the US ...it gives the United States the authority to hold any person on the planet subject to its own sovereign laws. The Swiss know that better than most, by the way.
For me, Soccer Authority Yanqui Mike, my team won. Futbol belongs to everyone and ...as long as it really does ...the world will be a better place for it. The day of disparaging votes for whatever reason should be long-gone by now.
1 comment:
This is really funny... (and not at the same time)
Post a Comment