Pack me a lunch, I’m off to the game.

Jack Green-for the Shankee Press--

Saturday, March 24th, Parque Roca – Sunny and warm, a great day for a picnic. The Shankee picnic went off without a hitch as everyone packed a nice lunch for their match-up against the 0-2 Cardenales, who came into the game hungry for their first win of the season. The Shankees, coming off a blow-out of the upstart Comu Black team, were confident they could pound the Cardenales pitchers into a pulp and walk off SilverStar Stadium with a winning record. But that didn’t happen, not even close! While the Shankee players munched on cookies, gobbled down sandwiches, and woof down noodles, the Cardenales were busy playing baseball, and trounced the lackadaisical Shankees 16-4 in 7 innings. Meanwhile, the Shankee Front Office is scrambling for answers on how the team just inexplicably falls apart from one week to the next. When asked, Shankee Skipper Paul Perry stated, “We didn’t come to play baseball today, we came for a picnic.” And this holds considerable truth, as pitching sensation, David “Smooth Criminal” Mickelsen was seem stuffing forkfuls of delicious looking macaroni salad into his month between his innings on the mound. The Tranqui Yanqui, who got the DH call to start the game, brought an exquisitely prepared egg, boiled to perfection in select spigot water. For dessert he unveiled a finely ripened banana, several Sugar & Spice cookies, and a refreshing Aquarius Rose to wash it down. Johnny “The Hair” Rother, struck out twice, but had a delicately tenderized milanesa sandwich (veal cutlet) and some homemade Pasta Frola (a typical argentine pie filled with sweet potato jam) that his mommy made. There were also scrumptious looking ham sandwiches, facturas (typical pastries), and even the Shankee Skipper was spotted walking to the mound to talk to his struggling pitcher with a Paladini - Serenisima Cheddar Cheese sandwich concealed up his sleeve. “I’m embarrassed by how we played today,” stated the Skipper after the game. “It was our worst loss ever as a team,” stated Ruben Bravo, who left after the game after injuring his hand opening a mayonnaise jar. It was surely not the best of Shankee outings, but it served as a vital lesson to be learnt; the other teams come to play baseball, not for a picnic. Let’s wait and see how the Shankees regroup for their road trip to La Plata, to face the disciplined Japanese Association team, who will certainly make Sushi of the Shankees if they show up and play like they did today. Buttermaker gameball: The winner of the Best looking fan in a Shankee Cap, who seemed to have every Shankee eager to sit down next to her and explain the rules of baseball. Shot of bourbon: Javier Zeta, for bringing a camera to the game. Box scores: A lot of strikes out, shits loads of errors, and like three hits. Final: mentioned before above.